It Gets Lonely Out Here...

...even if you live in the hustle and bustle of the city.  I know I shouldn't be complaining, especially when I have friends who are trying to survive in the middle of nowhere, but I did say from the very beginning that I would keep it honest and keep it real here - that I would express myself and include feelings that I so desperately want to dismiss.  It's like if I say them out loud, they become real.  It's so much easier to paint a pretty picture and hide behind a veil of denial.  I could do that and attempt to fool myself and fool everyone but it wouldn't be right.  I think people should know the whole truth and understand what's happening from all angles.  As hard as it is for me to do this, I am going to face my problems head on. How? Well I guess I can start by acknowledging that the problems are real so I can deal with them and hopefully overcome them accordingly.

Loneliness is not just boredom. It's a state of mind & being - and that's what makes it so dangerous and so overwhelmingly difficult to deal with when it hits you, especially when you least expect it.  Sometimes it can hit you like a freight train - it knocks you down so hard you're out of breath.  You feel empty inside, like a piece of your heart is missing, and it's almost impossible to fill that void.  There is actually a lot of things to do here, plus another major metropolis is only a couple of hours away.  But when loneliness attacks, you find it difficult to get yourself off the couch and out the door.  Your energy is down, your motivation is low, and you just don't want to do anything even though you really, really, really want to do something so badly.  It's like your mind is holding your body captive and you simply can't move.  

I hate being the bearer of bad news but the monster that is loneliness is real.  I'm usually a glass-half-full type person - nothing can keep me down for long, no matter how bad it gets.  I don't know what's happening to me.  It's not like I haven't been away from home, away from my family before.  But I guess living across the ocean is a whole other beast than being a long 6-hour car ride away from home, heck it's definitely worse than being across the country from home.     

I know I could Skype with family and friends, and I'm grateful that this technology exists, but it's just not the same as coming home to someone and being able to vent to them, laugh with them, sit quietly with them, chat away with them, argue with them, make plans with them, go grocery shopping with them, do something stupid with them, etc. etc. etc.  So I guess those of you who are coming here with someone, the whole family or at least one other person, count yourself lucky.    

I know I'm strong enough to get through this rough patch and I will but I thought I should share this with everyone.  Right now I'll just keep myself busy while trying to steer clear of food so I don't emotion-eat and pack on the pounds that I'll probably regret later. Oh and I'm avoiding malls as well so I don't just emotion-shop and spend all my money away.  I guess the only things left to do are watching tv, surfing the net, and working out.  Ughhhhh I need to get myself out of this hole.
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Despite what I've written above, I am a person of my word (though a few weeks late).  Here is my latest video.  Once I get out of my rut, I'll probably make the next one on the JT concert that I went to a couple weeks ago.